Forbidden Love

I wish I have the courage to stand in front of you, face to face, and tell you how much I love you!
I am hiding this feeling for one year now! it is something hard to explain! and it's a forbidden love!
I see you almost every day and every time I see you my heart start beating! you were sitting just in front of me and ohhhhh that was the first day that I kept watching you from behind, staring at you all the day! looking at your beautiful hair..cherished with your soft hand. you took my breath away.. I am scared! there will be a time that I won't be able to see you, a year from now ! and I will be LOST without you!
you were like every one else, you come and sit in the class and I barely know you! yes I was attracted to you! yes I liked you... but didn't thought I would love you one day! or even think about you! I am going insane! I wish the year will stay longer I wish to see you more often and I wish I can do something about it. but wait am I crazy or what? how dare me saying such things to you! maybe you'll be shocked! or you'll make fun of me, or maybe we will stop talking to each others. WHO KNOWS! the best thing is to hide this feelings.. hidden in my heart!
Sometimes I sit in silence and think "why the hell I feel this way?" WHY WHY WHY ???

I LOVE YOU "M"

I am so in love with you! but I don't know what to do! and I am so scared!

Where I stood

Money Saving

I am a debt free person, never had the intention that I might take a loan one day! I used to save money since my childhood. I make a plan every year with the amount of money that I've to save! It all depends on my needs and purposes.

Normally I put an aim in front of me, drow the budget and start saving! at the end of the year I collect the money and spend it on what ever I've planned for.

The process starts automatically every year, saving and spending and again saving and spending.

Sometimes if I had two purposes to spend on, I do save in two different criteria with two due dates.

bottom line, I love saving and spending, it makes me feel good and responsible.

So What?

Yes I saw you today, and I didn't give a damn shit! FOR THE FIRST TIME I WAS SO SO SO COLD! YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME ANY MORE!

Shesma Hatha!

I've heard this word many times from lot of people "Shesma Hatha"! people trying to locate the right words in the right situation. it's like pressing on a button labeled with the word compute! likewise when your brain goes under the process of remembering things, names, etc.. When you get stuck in the middle of the conversation you use words similar to it. Of course not only this sentence, you might use emmm, aaaaaaaaa, errrrrrr ;) until you find it, in this case your brain is making a correction actions!
Now lets go back to the same sentence and split the two words down.
Shesma: used to make you aware that there is something to be said, meaning "am on the process of locating the matched word".
Hatha: this is the process of recalling the right word from the brain between different stored words. the right world will follow this word, it might take from seconds to minutes.

The process of remembering things takes different types and shapes. The information will be located either in the short memory or the long one. the short memory is more volatile unlike the long memory.
The mechanism of locating the memory take different forms and depends on different senses.
Some people remember in the form of images, others might locate in the form of words and sounds. those are signals transferred to the brain "remembering" and back to words "speaking".
you either jump to the word and find it or go back stage by stage until you remember!
the more you practice this process the faster results you'll get.
In the computer term you can think about the long & short memory as RAM "Random Access Memory"and Hard disk.
RAM is the short memory "temporary and volatile", and the Hard disk is the long memory "stays for a long period of time".
You should always use your long memory, and you can do that by practicing, and relating things to other things. stop saying SHESMA HATHA, OR EVEN SHESMA!!! Just take a long breath, calm down, and catch the word silently!
The best time to practice is before sleeping while you are laying down on your bed.. just remember, remember, and remember. and your brain will store, store, and keep storing.

small chitchat

I am sitting in front of my laptop now, drinking Ice Lime "Freez" and smoking my Cigarettes "Gold Marlboro". I don't have specific thing to write! just some thoughts that might cross my mind :)

I went to IKEA this evening and got new cutlery set, swivel chair, bed sheets, and sofa blanket. I left IKEA heading straight to Dean and Deluca at the Avenues, got some fresh vegetable, baguette bread, and vinegar oil. When i reached home I prepared a salad for lunch. took a short nap (last for 30 min) and spent some time reading "The Lost Symbol".

2009 will be ended very soon! the time is passing so fast! it has been more than year now since our third break up! that's so funny!

Short Interview

I am writting a little bit about my self and about my life. In general although I am a stubborn and high tempre I've got a kind heart, it is easy for me to forgive as long as time passes! I would say it loudly am not going to forgive you no matter what happen! but after a while you'll find me very calm as if i didn't speak the words out!

I've different moods, happy then sad and maybe cofused! I am a dreamer and find it quite hard to live my reality! I would easily fly high with my dreams and suddenly fall to the real world!

I work hard to accomplish my aims even if I failed I wont stop, will definitley start again!

The things that keeping me a way from my aims is that I am concentrating and mixing many things at a time..I know I should focus on one one solely thing but this is me always. looking for the imposible!

I love to try different things and experience what out there on the earth.. enjoing every moment in my life risking my self sometimes, but after all I feel the pleasure of doing it.

I am lasy sometimes, and other times you'll find me hyper and full of energy.

I love Drama and Romance, and fantasy in the top of my preferences!

I love to see everything perfect, even the money in my wallet you'll see them always in the right order.

I look at food and drinks as a piece of art that should be presented carefully in the right way.

I accept Advises from friends or family, think about them seriously and take a further step to work on them.

What is hard for me to get is hard for me to leave, even in my relations! as it said "easy come easy go".

I can remember everything in the past, but I find it hard to remember things that happens in the present!

I relate things to objects,people, places, colors, and smell. I can help lot of people and find it hard to help my self.

While shopping I normally pay without checking the prices for the things I choose. but when it comes to restaurant I check each and every dish on the menu for it's price!

I don't like to touch the things that I like to watch! while the things I touch are not on the site of my vision!

It's hard to through the things that I own, even if it is a piece of paper! I might through it in a slow motion thinking twice before I do so!

I don't care for hundreds of dinars! but I do care for a 100 fils or so!

while I am watching a movie and other movies are on my mind! I can start a movie and replace it immediatly with another movie before it ends! and continuo watching the first movie later on again!

I always ask for another coffee twice or maybe more espacially in the morning, if it losts it heat while being busy with someone or something! I just like to sip it very hot and fresh.

Finally, I will never focus if I hear people talking around!

My new Cow

Lolly will be added to my yard pets collection!

Welcome Lolly!

The Lost Symbol

The Lost Symbol is another interesting book for Dan Brown. I've read the DaVinci code long while ago, and Angles & demons as well.. I was waiting eagerly to read this book, and finally I got it from Paris couple of weeks ago. Dan Brown is a great author, his books incorporate both fiction and reality, mysteries and puzzles. especially the Lost Symbol is full of moral ambiguity and tension that good thrillers rely on.

I highly recommend this book!